I am an exit

"I think a lot about killing myself

Not like a point on a map but rather…

Like a glowing exit sign at a show that’s never been quite bad enough to make me want to leave, see…

When I’m up I don’t kill myself because, holy shit, there’s so much left to do!

When I’m down I don’t kill myself because then

the sadness would be over

and the sadness is my old paint under the new

The sadness is the house fire or the broken shoulder

I’d still be me without it

but I’d be so boring"

(N. H.)